Monday, December 19, 2011

Poll Reminder!

Just a heads up - the poll that you can see in the sidebar just below the money making advertisements is due to close in about two weeks time.

Get your vote in!

Friday, December 16, 2011

And the good news is...There is no good news...

An English teacher once told me that it is effective to start a piece of writing by using a rhetorical question, but you all knew that, didn't you?

See what I did there?^

And again.^

Anyway, all of the above is irrelevant. What I've noticed over the last few days is that whenever you turn on a news channel, regardless of location, it will always be bad news. Always. Well, at least ninety-five percent of the time.



Sky News, CBS News, Fox News, BBC News, whatever it is, wherever you are, they never have anything positive to say about the world. I mean, I understand that the economy is buggered, there's wars and the occasional murder, but tell me something that's going to boost me, not demoralise me. The recession upsets everyone (even the ones who don't know what it is) so why upset them further?

I try to avoid watching news these days, especially American news. It so unbelievably biased and full of all sorts of propaganda. I'm not saying British news isn't biased because Sky News is just whatever Murdoch gives the green light too, but when something is a bit "propaganda-rous", we tend to notice it, whereas Americans do not. The smart Americans know they are being fed lies, however, the not so smart ones still think the war in Iraq is to do with 9/11. "Stupid towel-heads!"

Back to my original point, give me some good news! The only good news you ever give me is small stuff like a small dog saves a caterpillar from a wasp. (Fictional story there).

The last time I heard good news on TV was when I heard that Fernando Torres was having problems scoring for Chelsea, and to be fair, that's never going to change...

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Have I become accustom to American things?

So there I was last night, drinking a Sol beer, when I realised that I wasn't in America anymore. Apart from the weather, nothing made me actually notice I had left. Maybe this is because Dubai is sort of "westernized" but I was shocked by my own ignorance.

This makes me wonder, have I become too used to American things? I mean, it was the beer brand that made me notice, nothing else. I was expecting to look down and see a Bud Light or something else in my hand.



So am I going to freak out when I turn on the TV and see some soccer football coverage instead of constant basketball/hockey/baseball/american football highlights? Or when I ask people if they own a gun and they say no?

Was I destined for the states? I'm scaring myself now, I need to watch an episode of Teletubbies to set me straight...

Monday, December 12, 2011

The American In The Airport

So I'm home in Dubai now, lapping up the sun. I spent almost eight hours in airports alone over the last twenty-four hours, and the one thing that really caught my eye was how bad Americans are in airports.



Maybe I was just with some idiots, but this wasn't just a few, this was at least thirty or forty Yanks that could not understand how airports work. The main reason behind this is most likely down to the fact that a lot of Americans do not really leave their country. Most of them tend to drive to places in different areas of the country, and I'm not sure if it's true or not, but I heard an interesting statistic that under fifteen percent of Americans actually have passports. If true, that's crazy.

If you're in an airport waiting to board a plane to start your "vacation", as the Yanks say, try to avoid and queues with our trans-Atlantic friends in. I hate to stereotype, but I have not met one American capable of working their way through an airport without doing something stupid or making a scene. One woman I saw today just walked through the security scanner with all her jewelry on, her belt on, her phone in her pocket. She removed the items when told, but then reached the other side to discover she needed to take her laptop out of her bag for the scan. These are airport basics people!

The day I do meet a airport-compatible American, I will drop this whole subject, because this is surely not what the whole American population is like. Is it?

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Big City Life

Well, this is my first entry from anywhere other than Pennsylvania. I'm reporting live from "The Big Apple". No, not Infinite Loop (hi-five if you got the Apple Inc. reference) but New York City.

I do love this place, there's always something happening. I wouldn't want to go to college here just because it'd be way to much hassle with transport and stuff. I suppose that's why so many people walk, which conveniently brings me into what I want to talk about: walking. Sounds fun right?

Walking is brilliant isn't it? I'm kidding, it's not one of those pointless "blog-for-the-sake-of-blogging" things. What interests me is the speeds of people walks. I swear every New Yorker and their mum had over-taken me over a two block distance once I started walking off the bus!

They probably have places to go, but if you all slowed down, then it would make no difference, am I right? It's something to do with ratios or something like that. But immediately people of the Internet will say: "Then we wouldn't get things done as fast as we do." to which my response would be: "China is already raping every other country, so let's just let them have it."

An alternative could be to have everyone run everywhere. I mean, the walking speeds are equivalent to jogging speeds already, so why not notch it up to sprints? Maybe I have just found a way to cut down obesity rates in America?! Take that Jamie Oliver! 1-0!

Anyway, I love NYC. So here's a picture I took:


Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Road To Dubai (not the golf).

It all starts tomorrow morning folks! I leave the campus at 6:15am to go to State College and then it's a long bus ride up to New York City. I hang there until early Sunday morning when my flight leaves for Dubai with a one hour stop-over in London, Heathrow Airport.

I really can't wait to get home to see all my friends and family. In a weird way, I'm going to miss campus life though. Yeah it can get boring at times but it's a laugh, and that's what I was looking for in a college.

So thank you people of the Mount. I've loved my first semester - well the soccer football and the people anyway.

I want the next semester to fly by so that I can get playing again and get more goals. We ARE making play-offs next year! I'd like to wish good luck to the two seniors, Luke Fragello and Kevin Wheelden, who had their final season this semester. I'd also like to say good luck to my striking partner in crime, Na'im Bashir, who's transferring out. Finally, a big thanks to Coach Ali for being a great manager and setting us in the right direction. The team can go far under you're influence, I hope you're still shouting at us from the sidelines next year! Good luck guys! Never forget the famous Mounties!




Boiler Room Basterds

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

See Me Live!

This is almost scary!

My room-mate and I have set up a 24/7 channel that will broadcast our room! Obviously we are not going to run it 24/7 but we could if we wanted to.

But basically, we can chat to people watching and it's just kind of cool to stream on the Internet.

So if you fancy watching, the link is: www.ustream.tv/channel/boilerroombasterds

Boiler Room Basterds is the name of the account. The name originated as our room is located right above the boiler room, meaning our room gets real hot sometimes.

It won't be running during December as neither of us will be here, but be sure to check this out in January!

Country Music and it's Achy-Breaky Heart.

How bad is the title for this entry? ^^^ I'm sorry but that's literally the only country song I know besides Taylor Swift.

You may have guessed that this article is centered around the country music genre. Give yourself a pat on the back if you got it right!



So anyway, country music was something new to me when I arrived here. I never heard any of it on my initial arrival, but I suppose that's because I spent the week in New York City. Hopefully I'm not causing any offense but New Yorkers don't really seem the "type" to listen to country music!

However, when I moved into Pennsylvania and got to know a few people from other parts of the country, I realised it had a wider appeal than what I first expected. It's frequency played on the radio stations and shops and petrol stations also play it quite a lot.

I don't really have an opinion on it. One of my suit-mates occasionally has it on, so I have heard some tracks. Many people associate it with "rednecks" or "hillbillies", I haven't met a true redneck or hillbilly so it'd be unfair to judge.

Frankly, it's definitely not my type of music. But I think it's cool how Americans have kept it mainstream (partially at least), as it kind of prowesses their heritage. Nothing like a bit of patriotism! And no-one beats the Yanks when it comes to being patriot!

Answer My Question!



The poll is to the right of this entry. Do as the picture says!

*In Ray William Johnson voice*: So tell me guys, where would you live?

My First Video!

If you know me well enough, you'll know that I like to make stupid, funny, sometimes pointless videos.

So this is officially The Brit in America Blog's first YouTube upload!

Check out the video, but be warned, it contains some strong language!



Many a thanks goes to John Wiley. If he becomes a YouTube sensation, I'm taking the credit! You saw it here first!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

It's like hockey, but it's on ice...

We have hockey in England, but there are some minor differences. First of all, it's played on grass. Secondly, they don't end up in a brutal brawl every five minutes. We also have field boundaries... No I think about it, there are so many differences.

From the protection worn to the shape of the stick, things are actually quite opposite. The main one being that "field" hockey has sort of become a women's sport, whereas, "ice" hockey is obviously stereotyped as a bloke's sport.

If I'm being honest, the only reason I ever watch ice hockey is because I want to see a fight. The sport itself is not so interesting, but it's by far better than field hockey. So well done America, you improved one sport we already had. However, I believe you can't brag as your recreation of football is terrible and made your national pass-time a weird adaptation of rounders...

The hockey team I have chosen to support is the Pittsburg Penguins, just because everyone else here does, peer pressure much?



The question I'm asking: Should we allow fights and such in soccer (damn it!) football?

How interesting would that be?!? Vidic would be even better than he always is and we'd finally get to see Fernando Torres on the floor for a good reason.

The image above is a picture of Sydney Crosby, who's the only ice hockey player I know. He's demonstrating what I'd do if I had five minutes with Sepp Blatter.

Monday, December 5, 2011

The British Accent

So why? That is my question put oh so simply. What is it about the English (or any other kind of British for that matter) accent that drives girls insane?

This is actually quite a cool pic^


Since the day I arrived in America, everyone woman, regardless of age, keeps asking me to speak. I was selling some of my books back today and the cashier lady asked me to keep talking just so they could hear my voice! As I left, I said: "Thanks", to which she responded: "You have to say a little more than that!". Anywhere else in the world and this would be something that would freak the shit out of me. But being nice I gave her the satisfaction by saying: "Cheers for all ya help today, darling." She loved it.

Note: Do not get the wrong impression that I was flirty with this women, she was in her 40's.


There has been multiple occasions where I've sat down with my mates from the soccer football team and their girl mates come sit with us. As soon as I open my mouth, they look in amazement and start smiling and giggling like twelve year old girls. They always turn to their guy mates and ask: "Is that his real voice?" which is when I usually jump in quick and say something like: "Nah mate, just putting on a proper good accent like, you get me?" Not in a scummy sounding way, but more in a civilised yet street wise manner. They can't believe it and suddenly I'm some sort of Chuck Norris. He's the American equivalent of David Beckham right?

I personally think this is one of those mysteries that is best left unsolved. Because, trust me, I'm not complaining about it one bit! So any other Brits out there her want to have the pick of the birds, get your arse out to the states!

Americans - I love that you love me.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Jersey Shore and the rest of America

I keep hearing their terms everywhere, absolutely everywhere in this country. You guessed it folks, I'm ranting about Jersey Shore (but who isn't?).

I'll express my opinion on the so-called "reality" show in a bit, but first I just want to talk how the show has had such a massive impact on the rest of the country.

I don't think for one second the show has changed peoples behaviour or any other way, shape or form of how they act. The thing I think it has had the most influence on is the "slang" or terminology Americans are using nowadays.

The show is so influential, that instead of someone informing you an ugly girl wants to have sex with you, you get told that a grenade is DTF. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the new terms, I love stuff like this, being from cockney descent, where I can tell you that I'll meet you by the apples in the quacks as I have a dodgy New Delhi because of the bees I spent on the ruby last night. (Translation = I'll meet you by the stairs in the doctor's as I have a bad stomach because of the money I spent on the curry last night.)

So I'm going to have to start going to the gym, launderette and tanning salon all in one day if I want to fit in, I suppose. I'm positive there are far more terms I am unaware of and will be hearing in the upcoming weeks.

Now the moment you've all been waiting for - my opinion on the show. I'm going to keep it short and sweet otherwise I'd be typing for hours. So here is my quote:

"It's so fake. Don't watch it."

Genuinely Interesting News

Well people, I've just had a little chinwag with a lad on campus about blogging. He's interested in starting a comedy blog with one of his mates, and I know for a fact, that if they are to pursue the blogging plan, it will be a success. He's a funny chap and I'm sure his mate is also.

So long story short, I was speaking to him about my blog and, more importantly, it's relatively successful start. A plan is in mixer that I will help promote their blog, via my blog, the blog's Twitter account, etc. In return, they will help promote mine.

In order to help their comedy blog advance and make people laugh, I may be asked to write a weekly entry for them. I don't like blowing my own trumpet (who am I kidding? I love to.) but I think comedic writing is one of my strongest areas of literature. Another element behind my appointment would be that my humour would be from a British perspective, giving more variety to what is assumed to be an American audience. We all know the Yanks love us Brits.

So anyway, I'll keep you informed on the issue and I really hope it gets the green light go ahead. It would be nice to write for other people and see their blog mature into something special, which I know it would be.

Here's the lad I've been speaking to:

His name is Robert "Bo" Forney, and yes, he does show an incredible resemblance to The Incredible Hulk.

Finals

Hello people who actually read my blog! Just think, if this blog ever goes huge and I become famous, you can be the one who's like: "Man, I knew about the blog before it went mainstream!"

Well this post itself isn't really anything special. It's basically me giving in a "sick note" and apolosing in advance for a possible lack of blog entries over the next few days. It's finals week at my uni so apparently I have to study for some sort of test...

Usually I'm not one to bust my arse to revise for exams, but I feel my student life will be cut short if I do not prepare slightly.

So yeah, I have a Networking final tomorrow, an Accounting final the following day and Cultural Literacy Studies portfolio review on the Thursday. The fourth was done last Friday. Learning's a bitch init?

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Cheap Vodka

The entire world has it's fair share of poor quality alcohol available at a very affordable price, not mentioning any countries in particular. Russia. But I think I have found maybe the weirdest, cheapest form of Vodka on the planet.

It's called Vladimir, also known as Vlad. I've had it a few times now and just something about it freaks me out. Not quite sure what. It's that type of booze that smells like nail polish remover and tastes like something even worse.

Despite it's minging taste, I keep going back to it. And I can't complain about it's "get's-you-really-drunk-ability" because it works a treat. And if I'm perfectly honest, I don't remember much of the nights where I did drink it. I haven't chundered from drinking it yet but I've seen it happen to many a people.

So yeah, stay away from that shit if you just want an "enjoyable" night. If you want to get totally sloshed then go for it son!


Friday, December 2, 2011

Football, Not Soccer.

Ok then, so I guess it's time for my real first entry which actually relates to the subject of the blog.

A "real" football


I've been living here since August, so about 5 months now. I didn't experience the "cultural shock" that was a term thrown about by other ex-pats who found it difficult to settle in. I think this was because I was fortunate enough to speak the only language known on an international scale - football.

Well, I call it football, along with the rest of the whole world, apart from America. Which leads me into my main point. Where did the yanks get the term "soccer" from? This football/soccer dilemma was the first major difference that hit me, besides the fact that everyone sounded different to me and kept saying "Wow, I love your accent!"

I chose to do my Cultural Literacy Studies research project on the reasons why Americans did not adopt the world's most popular sport as their primary pass-time. I mean, they're American, so wouldn't they want to be the best at it? They have such driven and determined attitudes in all sports, so why not this one?

I'll spare you the boring, historical reasonings behind the lack of "soccer", but it was mainly to do with a lack of success, new sports arising (baseball, basketball, American football and ice hockey), and the fact that they were unable to change the rules to their liking.

Despite my thorough research (total lie there, I spent amount twenty-five minutes searching on Google and bluffed a reference list), I never came across anything relevant to origination of the word "soccer". I'm sure it's very easy to find out, but I really can't be bothered doing anymore research.

So my American muckka's, where's it come from? And don't even try giving me the whole: "We play real (American) football!"- because we all know that's just a pile of crap. The "real" football is the one played with our feet, which is why I guess we called it "foot"ball.


Blog's Twitter!

Twitter account for the blog is now up and running! It'll mainly have links to the site but you never know when some funny "Americanisms" may pop up on there! Get following tweeps!

As shown in the picture, the username is @britamericablog .

My Twitter!

I suppose a good thing to do before I get started is introduce you to my Twitter:

http://twitter.com/#!/ozzyold

BE WARNED! I post a lot of jokes on here, some being of a very acquired taste. So please do not be offended by any jokes I place on there. If you do get offended, then get a sense of humour!

If you really are that interested in me, then you can find my Google+ page by viewing my profile.

"Have a nice day!"

My first post!

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, this is my blog.

I'm a freshman student from Bury St. Edmunds, England studying Information Technology at Mount Aloysius College in Cresson, Pennsylvania, United States.

This blog is mainly going to be focussed around my experiences with the different cultures, especially the language differences!

Hopefully some funny stuff and you'd be suprised on how different things can be!

More to come folks!