"OMG, I Love Your Outfit..."

Well, this is awkward....

Last time I blogged was yonks ago! My apologies for not keeping up. It might be that I haven't had the time, maybe I've been doing other things. Or possibly because Google decided to deactivate my AdSense account for no reason, which I cannot regain, and now I'm not making an earner from blogging. Take the hint, Google.


So what a way to mark my return by talking about AIDS!

I'm kidding.

Something that has made me stand out here, besides my accent, is the way I dress. Now, believe me, I have some fashion sense, but not a lot. I like buying cool clothes and always try to get stuff that is different.

I'm not going into something like: "Americans have no taste when it comes to fashion", because that is not the case. What I'm aiming at is that they can be rather bland, if that's the right word. It's more of a "sheep herd" when it comes to what to wear. People will put on what everyone else is wearing and will remain happy just blending in with the crowd.

Most British people I know try to buy clothes that are different to what's the norm, and I do too. I love my waistcoat with a hood and, although popular in Britain, thin material scarfs are different to what people are used to seeing here.

The American designers like A&F, Hollister and American Eagle are all really good, though. I've made a few purchases there myself. I still think they need a huge injection of Superdry, Topman and River Island into the malls!

A common thing that happens here, is that when people do see others wearing something out of the ordinary and even remotely fashionable, they are quick to draw the "gay" card. To the people that do so, grow up. Surely you know that girls like a guy who can dress well anyway, so you're just making yourself look jealous. Water on a duck's back, my friend.

It might be a self confidence thing, you do have to be brave to stand out. But it's worth it.

This doesn't just apply to lads, girls follow on with this generalisation. Apart from the whole "gay" thing.

So come on people, sharpen up! Let's all look like we're in an episode of Skins!

And the good news is...There is no good news...

An English teacher once told me that it is effective to start a piece of writing by using a rhetorical question, but you all knew that, didn't you?

See what I did there?^

And again.^

Anyway, all of the above is irrelevant. What I've noticed over the last few days is that whenever you turn on a news channel, regardless of location, it will always be bad news. Always. Well, at least ninety-five percent of the time.

Sky News, CBS News, Fox News, BBC News, whatever it is, wherever you are, they never have anything positive to say about the world. I mean, I understand that the economy is buggered, there's wars and the occasional murder, but tell me something that's going to boost me, not demoralise me. The recession upsets everyone (even the ones who don't know what it is) so why upset them further?

I try to avoid watching news these days, especially American news. It so unbelievably biased and full of all sorts of propaganda. I'm not saying British news isn't biased because Sky News is just whatever Murdoch gives the green light too, but when something is a bit "propaganda-rous", we tend to notice it, whereas Americans do not. The smart Americans know they are being fed lies, however, the not so smart ones still think the war in Iraq is to do with 9/11. "Stupid towel-heads!"

Back to my original point, give me some good news! The only good news you ever give me is small stuff like a small dog saves a caterpillar from a wasp. (Fictional story there).

The last time I heard good news on TV was when I heard that Fernando Torres was having problems scoring for Chelsea, and to be fair, that's never going to change...

Have I become accustom to American things?

So there I was last night, drinking a Sol beer, when I realised that I wasn't in America anymore. Apart from the weather, nothing made me actually notice I had left. Maybe this is because Dubai is sort of "westernized" but I was shocked by my own ignorance.

This makes me wonder, have I become too used to American things? I mean, it was the beer brand that made me notice, nothing else. I was expecting to look down and see a Bud Light or something else in my hand.

So am I going to freak out when I turn on the TV and see some soccer football coverage instead of constant basketball/hockey/baseball/american football highlights? Or when I ask people if they own a gun and they say no?

Was I destined for the states? I'm scaring myself now, I need to watch an episode of Teletubbies to set me straight...

Big City Life

Well, this is my first entry from anywhere other than Pennsylvania. I'm reporting live from "The Big Apple". No, not Infinite Loop (hi-five if you got the Apple Inc. reference) but New York City.

I do love this place, there's always something happening. I wouldn't want to go to college here just because it'd be way to much hassle with transport and stuff. I suppose that's why so many people walk, which conveniently brings me into what I want to talk about: walking. Sounds fun right?

Walking is brilliant isn't it? I'm kidding, it's not one of those pointless "blog-for-the-sake-of-blogging" things. What interests me is the speeds of people walks. I swear every New Yorker and their mum had over-taken me over a two block distance once I started walking off the bus!

They probably have places to go, but if you all slowed down, then it would make no difference, am I right? It's something to do with ratios or something like that. But immediately people of the Internet will say: "Then we wouldn't get things done as fast as we do." to which my response would be: "China is already raping every other country, so let's just let them have it."

An alternative could be to have everyone run everywhere. I mean, the walking speeds are equivalent to jogging speeds already, so why not notch it up to sprints? Maybe I have just found a way to cut down obesity rates in America?! Take that Jamie Oliver! 1-0!

Anyway, I love NYC. So here's a picture I took:

It's like hockey, but it's on ice...

We have hockey in England, but there are some minor differences. First of all, it's played on grass. Secondly, they don't end up in a brutal brawl every five minutes. We also have field boundaries... No I think about it, there are so many differences.

From the protection worn to the shape of the stick, things are actually quite opposite. The main one being that "field" hockey has sort of become a women's sport, whereas, "ice" hockey is obviously stereotyped as a bloke's sport.

If I'm being honest, the only reason I ever watch ice hockey is because I want to see a fight. The sport itself is not so interesting, but it's by far better than field hockey. So well done America, you improved one sport we already had. However, I believe you can't brag as your recreation of football is terrible and made your national pass-time a weird adaptation of rounders...

The hockey team I have chosen to support is the Pittsburg Penguins, just because everyone else here does, peer pressure much?

The question I'm asking: Should we allow fights and such in soccer (damn it!) football?

How interesting would that be?!? Vidic would be even better than he always is and we'd finally get to see Fernando Torres on the floor for a good reason.

The image above is a picture of Sydney Crosby, who's the only ice hockey player I know. He's demonstrating what I'd do if I had five minutes with Sepp Blatter.

The British Accent

So why? That is my question put oh so simply. What is it about the English (or any other kind of British for that matter) accent that drives girls insane?

This is actually quite a cool pic^

Since the day I arrived in America, everyone woman, regardless of age, keeps asking me to speak. I was selling some of my books back today and the cashier lady asked me to keep talking just so they could hear my voice! As I left, I said: "Thanks", to which she responded: "You have to say a little more than that!". Anywhere else in the world and this would be something that would freak the shit out of me. But being nice I gave her the satisfaction by saying: "Cheers for all ya help today, darling." She loved it.

Note: Do not get the wrong impression that I was flirty with this women, she was in her 40's.


There has been multiple occasions where I've sat down with my mates from the soccer football team and their girl mates come sit with us. As soon as I open my mouth, they look in amazement and start smiling and giggling like twelve year old girls. They always turn to their guy mates and ask: "Is that his real voice?" which is when I usually jump in quick and say something like: "Nah mate, just putting on a proper good accent like, you get me?" Not in a scummy sounding way, but more in a civilised yet street wise manner. They can't believe it and suddenly I'm some sort of Chuck Norris. He's the American equivalent of David Beckham right?

I personally think this is one of those mysteries that is best left unsolved. Because, trust me, I'm not complaining about it one bit! So any other Brits out there her want to have the pick of the birds, get your arse out to the states!

Americans - I love that you love me.

Jersey Shore and the rest of America

I keep hearing their terms everywhere, absolutely everywhere in this country. You guessed it folks, I'm ranting about Jersey Shore (but who isn't?).

I'll express my opinion on the so-called "reality" show in a bit, but first I just want to talk how the show has had such a massive impact on the rest of the country.

I don't think for one second the show has changed peoples behaviour or any other way, shape or form of how they act. The thing I think it has had the most influence on is the "slang" or terminology Americans are using nowadays.

The show is so influential, that instead of someone informing you an ugly girl wants to have sex with you, you get told that a grenade is DTF. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the new terms, I love stuff like this, being from cockney descent, where I can tell you that I'll meet you by the apples in the quacks as I have a dodgy New Delhi because of the bees I spent on the ruby last night. (Translation = I'll meet you by the stairs in the doctor's as I have a bad stomach because of the money I spent on the curry last night.)

So I'm going to have to start going to the gym, launderette and tanning salon all in one day if I want to fit in, I suppose. I'm positive there are far more terms I am unaware of and will be hearing in the upcoming weeks.

Now the moment you've all been waiting for - my opinion on the show. I'm going to keep it short and sweet otherwise I'd be typing for hours. So here is my quote:

"It's so fake. Don't watch it."