And the good news is...There is no good news...

An English teacher once told me that it is effective to start a piece of writing by using a rhetorical question, but you all knew that, didn't you?

See what I did there?^

And again.^

Anyway, all of the above is irrelevant. What I've noticed over the last few days is that whenever you turn on a news channel, regardless of location, it will always be bad news. Always. Well, at least ninety-five percent of the time.

Sky News, CBS News, Fox News, BBC News, whatever it is, wherever you are, they never have anything positive to say about the world. I mean, I understand that the economy is buggered, there's wars and the occasional murder, but tell me something that's going to boost me, not demoralise me. The recession upsets everyone (even the ones who don't know what it is) so why upset them further?

I try to avoid watching news these days, especially American news. It so unbelievably biased and full of all sorts of propaganda. I'm not saying British news isn't biased because Sky News is just whatever Murdoch gives the green light too, but when something is a bit "propaganda-rous", we tend to notice it, whereas Americans do not. The smart Americans know they are being fed lies, however, the not so smart ones still think the war in Iraq is to do with 9/11. "Stupid towel-heads!"

Back to my original point, give me some good news! The only good news you ever give me is small stuff like a small dog saves a caterpillar from a wasp. (Fictional story there).

The last time I heard good news on TV was when I heard that Fernando Torres was having problems scoring for Chelsea, and to be fair, that's never going to change...

Jersey Shore and the rest of America

I keep hearing their terms everywhere, absolutely everywhere in this country. You guessed it folks, I'm ranting about Jersey Shore (but who isn't?).

I'll express my opinion on the so-called "reality" show in a bit, but first I just want to talk how the show has had such a massive impact on the rest of the country.

I don't think for one second the show has changed peoples behaviour or any other way, shape or form of how they act. The thing I think it has had the most influence on is the "slang" or terminology Americans are using nowadays.

The show is so influential, that instead of someone informing you an ugly girl wants to have sex with you, you get told that a grenade is DTF. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the new terms, I love stuff like this, being from cockney descent, where I can tell you that I'll meet you by the apples in the quacks as I have a dodgy New Delhi because of the bees I spent on the ruby last night. (Translation = I'll meet you by the stairs in the doctor's as I have a bad stomach because of the money I spent on the curry last night.)

So I'm going to have to start going to the gym, launderette and tanning salon all in one day if I want to fit in, I suppose. I'm positive there are far more terms I am unaware of and will be hearing in the upcoming weeks.

Now the moment you've all been waiting for - my opinion on the show. I'm going to keep it short and sweet otherwise I'd be typing for hours. So here is my quote:

"It's so fake. Don't watch it."